can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
