piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
