I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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