theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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