She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
