I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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