sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
