You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
