There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I said "one day" and that day is not today
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
