Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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