Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
