eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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