I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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