weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
