i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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