Sry I called you an 8
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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