Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
