He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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