This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
