Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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