Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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