I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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