He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
