What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
