If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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