with your own penis?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
