No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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