i just wanna soil my oats bro
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
