just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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