so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
