My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
