yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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