Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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