there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
