Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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