i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
