I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
