Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
