You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
