Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
