i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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