They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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