gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Less talking, more tequila
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
