You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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