UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
