New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism