Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.