Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.