Is that why you're texting me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want her autograph on my taint
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen