8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
