I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
