I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
