he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
