This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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