Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
