You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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