Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
