i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
