Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
