Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
