After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
